Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
