Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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