dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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