well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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