Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
