where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize