I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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