you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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