pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
