Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize