Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this will be a night to untag.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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