And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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