i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
