You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
