I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
