I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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