If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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