i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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