I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
