Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
