are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize