Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
