grandma shit on top of the toilet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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