evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
