8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
