I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
