I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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