Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
