My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
