i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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