my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
