walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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