Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
