I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
