I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
