she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
