im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
