I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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