I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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