sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
