That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
