Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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