I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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