Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
