woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
