I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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