he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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