How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
