I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
