drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
