There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize