you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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