I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I believe in your delicious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
