is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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