I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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