I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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