I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
