he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
