I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize