i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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