The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
