She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
