I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
