hotel room ftw
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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