I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
