I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
