I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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