I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
