when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
