Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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