i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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