that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
