You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
