I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
