I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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