that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
