I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
