So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
