I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
