Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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