not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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