It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize